Wow. 

Turns out that losing your sanity over a rugged jock in short shorts is a pretty timeless predicament. 

Black Narcissus reminds us that you can’t outrun your crushing libido, even at the edge of the world. And what a theme to amplify with the most glorious sets, Technicolor, matte-painted backdrops, exquisite costumes, and drapes that never stop billowing.

Reason steadily unravels, and Black Narcissus shifts from drama to romance to horror, slipping into a hypnotic, menacing rhythm that builds toward a delirious climax.  

In the end, all you can do is put on your lipstick and face your horniness!

Oh

Julianne Moore whining and farting on the toilet. Five stars.

Narcissism and stupidity make for a lethal, but undeniably watchable combo. To Die For understands that completely, and Nicole Kidman weaponises it to terrifying, hilarious effect. Suzanne Stone is proto-reality TV, an ancestor of the Housewives, nailing the manic charm and delusion. That glassy-eyed hunger for fame is funny, but also anthropological, and it’s a strain of ambition so very specific to the 90s/early 00s fame-whore. It might be Kidman’s finest hour - Birth excluded.

Possibly the most fun you’ll have with a movie this aggressively piss-yellow

A pretty clunky and fairly convoluted plot, salvaged only by Brian De Palma’s flawless taste and Tom Cruise’s electrifying star power.

The suspended heist scene is unforgettable, and putting Tom in those little office siren glasses was a sexy touch. The explosive chewing gum killed meee!

Serving time, serving bob, serving cunt etc etc

I often think about the hypnotic one-take dance sequence at the start of Climax, and how the credits don’t roll until 44 minutes in. Set in loud, confrontational typography that’s often part of Noé’s arsenal of sensory assaults. But watching it again, it’s obvious he’s marking the end of the movie as we understand it and disorients our sense of structure. What ensues is pure, top-tier rage bait.

Theroux certainly has a way of letting people reveal themselves, doesn’t he

My favourite insults from this: 

“She looked positively medieval.”

“You have delighted us long enough.”

“Ma’am, you have a very small garden.”